You know the song I’m talking about, the one we sent each other and then listened to when we were together. That song we played when we hung out at the house and either danced to or sang to or both. That song we listened to in the car, over and over again. That song. Now I can’t listen to it without the thought of you and everything that goes with that, jumbled up memories of whiskey-fueled story-telling and laughing and music Slow kisses and clothes that suddenly became liquid. All of those subtle nuances of our relationship, now and then or whenever (as We frequently exist outside of the usual space-time continuum, which makes you ruining what was once in my top-five favorite songs all the more frustrating) tied up into the subtle nuances of that song.
That song is, or maybe was, our story. It’s the lyrical, rhythmic, aurally-orgiastic expression that we both felt/feel is/was the appropriate musical expression for Us. Isn’t it amazing how a song is the thing that will really be that thing, that thing, that brings you together and, afterward, or, in the moments between, those gasping moments between, can utterly cripple your soul? If ever there were a testament to the power of music, I do believe I just gave one. But, seriously. Why did you have to go and ruin that song for me?
Sometimes, I can work around that song and still listen to the artist. Sometimes, I have to avoid it altogether and hit “Next” so I don’t spiral down into the rabbit hole of other songs. Yes, other songs. So it’s not even the one song that you ruined for me, that I can not listen to without hearing you, without wanting to feel you next to me, without wanting your lips, your skin, all of you so very close to me, but, potentially, the ENTIRE artist’s catalog. It’s a damn good thing that I’ve built up my defenses for certain bands/DJs whom I shall not reveal here in case you come back and I’m all romantic and you’re you and how? What? Yes, that is the power you can wield.
An emotional “Battle of the Bands,” if you will, when you just send the song, or covers of it, or instrumental versions of it, or singing it whilst drunken on a voicemail, whatever....“Hello and here’s our most sacred and resonant bit of our relationship ever (children notwithstanding....we’re talking about music here, not kids....moving on....)!! Let’s see who finds it more devastating to listen to now! GO!” Wherein what follows is sad video feeds of us in our respective houses, reacting to hearing the song while remote audiences bet on who cries first. But I digress. What’s new? I bet you miss that almost as much as actually listening to the song.
So you ruined that song for me. I still listen to it because I’m a masochist....and because it reminds me of you. It reminds me of when we danced in the kitchen and hung out on the lanai. It reminds me of when we were in the car, going anywhere. It reminds me of when our fingers intertwined, our lips locked, and our hearts collided.
The song comes up randomly on a few of my Pandora playlists, because they overlap, y’know? And, whenever that song comes on, I don’t skip through it. Even though you ruined it for me.
