Gettin' Funky, Y'all...

So, I've totally been in a funk lately...stuck in the doldrums between spring and summer, in a sort of purgatory where it's not so bad and it's not so great either. But, the thing is, it is actually pretty great, when I sit and reflect on it. Sure, there are plenty of things in my life that I'm angling to change and making steps toward doing that but sometimes it feels like that's not enough, y'know? I blame it on the weather, the planets, my hormones, my energy levels, whatever else I can think of as a reasonable excuse, plausible deniability when, in fact, it's just me. It always is...isn't it? Just when you want to turn the blame on someone else, you have to shake the shit out of yourself and realize that it's really you who is self-sabotaging. We really are in control of our own destiny but it's really challenging to accept that responsibility because it's A LOT. The overriding fear of failure, of disappointing someone else, of...of...of...the list of excuses gets longer the longer you wait to do something. I spent the better part of last weekend holed up in a blanket fort, hiding out from the world, drinking whiskey and feeling miserable about my life situation and feeling miserable in general. I blamed it on the weather and my relationships with certain people in my life but all I was doing was perpetuating the whole thing. My inactivity led to just that...nothing. Nothing changed. Nothing got better. My body continued to hurt. My mind continued to run roughshod over itself, blaming myself for doing nothing and then, on the other hand, congratulating myself for taking some me time and giving myself a break.

The thing is...as exhausted as I feel by my day-to-day life, none of that will change unless I actually do something about it. So today, instead of retreating from the sticky, cloying heat of the Florida summer setting in and settling into my joints where it likes to wreak havoc, I heaved my mass of bones out of bed and crossed a few things off my list, like sitting in front of my computer and writing a blog post and working on some other writing projects and purging myself of some stuff (fingers crossed that people want to buy what I'm selling!) and I, by putting it into writing here and now, intend to maintain the forward momentum. Do you want to join me? Do you want to get out of the funk and into the fun with me? Here's what I've got so far (feel free to add your own suggestions to the list!):

1) Do just one thing, or even part of one thing, on your to-do list every day. Today, I wrote a blog post and listed my engagement ring set on Ebay because I no longer want to carry the burden of the past that the rings carry with them. Plus, they are a consolation prize for giving up my life for a thinly veiled lie that I was too naive to recognize at the time. Why hang on to those reminders? Why keep them around to punish myself?
2) Say out loud at least one thing you are grateful for today. I know that there are a lot of advocates out there who say that you should say at least three things you are grateful for every day but, honestly, for me, sometimes, that seems challenging or redundant. Every day, I'm grateful for a roof over my head, a comfortable bed to sleep in, my beautiful cats, my wonderful and supportive friends, my loving family so, while they are all certainly included in my daily gratitude, I do my best to show my gratitude for something new, something different, every day. Today, I am grateful that I found a wash-and-fold right down the road for me that has reasonable prices and will use my organic detergent to wash my sheets so I don't have to be a laundry opportunist (though I'm extremely grateful to everyone who gives me open usage of their washer and dryer!) and I can support and small, local business. Plus, I get the chance to improve my Spanish, at least wherein matters of laundry are concerned. Limpia = clean
3) Eavesdrop. Seriously. Sit somewhere mildly public and just listen to the people talking around you and consider what they're talking about. It might make you laugh because it's silly or funny or ridiculous. It might make you feel something like gratitude for your own state of being. It might bring about a sense of compassion for them or for yourself. It will definitely remind you that you are not alone in this world and that you are part of a shared human experience, even if it's not your own current journey. The point is...just listen. For once, shut up and listen. It'll make you a better person. Listening is becoming a lost art. Don't let it die with you. If you need to talk, let me know. I'm here to listen. And I'll do my best not to give you unsolicited advice or to fix your problem.

That's it for now, loves. I look forward to your suggestions, comments, and your thoughts. You are important and you can do anything you want to do. I want you to succeed and live a life that is meaningful, just as much as I want to do the same for myself. So, if you're in, take my hand and let's run off into the sunset together and wind off into the great beyond.

Baby, please don't go!

I've contemplated writing about this for many reasons. Who is willing to bare their heart and soul? But it's something I have to get out. To let go of. To release so I can sleep better at night. Here is goes...A  preface: I can write about anything and nothing because I can research the hell out of anything. That's one thing my very expensive grad school education taught me how to do and how to do well. What any education doesn't teach you is how to let it go, how to cope, how to accept that your life is no longer what you thought, or envisioned it to be. And now I sit, in front of my computer, wondering, wishing, praying, how to do just that. Companies ask for writing samples and I get it...you want professional writing samples of work but, in the end, what really matters is how well you can speak to the human condition of life. Being a human is really challenging work and translating that is even more challenging.
If I were to begin writing my own story, there are incidents that I could relate that amount to nothing more than trauma-bonding. Yes, I was in NYC during 9-11. Yes, I was a Hurricane Katrina refugee. Yes, I went through Hurricane Wilma and Irma. Yes, I can go #metoo. But I won't do that at this point. Maybe some point in the future when I know you and you know me, we'll talk. All of these events that I've lived through have contributed to making me a stronger, more resilient human being, not one to crumble, walk away from the challenges of existence. My story goes like this: I was there. I survived. And, at this point, I took advantage of all the tools available to me to be stronger. You have that power in you as well. Trust me. I know from experience....lots and lots of experience. There aren't enough photos to articulate my point. There aren't enough ways for me to say, "I've got you." But there are enough shared experiences for me to say, "I understand you and we can do the thing together." Because we can. Because we are stronger together than we are apart. Because, with the right network of friends, family, and unexpected alliances, we can DO the thing. It's because of you that I know better days are ahead, that I can breathe through it, that I have faith in humanity as a whole. WE can do this and don't you forget it. Don't give up on You because the essential you still resides there. Grieve if that's what is part of your life right now. Celebrate every aspect of your being because it is worth celebrating. Do You because You a worthwhile endeavor. You are a worthwhile endeavor. And, if you need measurement that you are beautiful, kind, worthwhile, and a cause for celebration, please let me know. I'm not a licensed therapist but I am ready, willing, and able to bolster you. Let's not trauma-bond. Let's just bond, on a real human level. I'll tell you the whole of my story, warts and all, later. You deserve to know me and I want to know you.