Don't Bring Me Down!

I'm going to wager a guess and say that we probably have a lot more in common than you might initially anticipate. For example, I'm fairly certain that you, like me, probably get down on yourself for all the things that you've got on your to-do list, some of which have been on there since 2009 (I really, really need to clean out my closet...sheesh!). Like me, you probably have a tendency to say "Yes" to everything, piling on commitments and responsibilities, instead of saying "No" or politely declining instead. That might upset someone and, as a consummate people pleaser, the very thought of that isn't possible. I've been promising myself and others that I would get to this blog post for two weeks now and today, it's finally happening. And here's why: I love to do it but, when I put it on the to-do list with all the other mundane and/or seemingly insurmountable tasks (Anyone wanna buy a 1994 Mercedes SL320, because I've got one for sale and have no clue what I'm doing??), it turns into something that joins the list of chores, like cleaning out the litter box or taking out the recycling. It feels good to get those things done (and the house doesn't smell like dirty cat litter) but those things really aren't high up on my list of significant accomplishments, like sitting down and devoting myself to writing a blog post. When I finish this post, I'll hit "Publish" and walk away, knowing that I did something that makes me happy and I can cross it off of my to-do list for today. So that's why I hauled my butt out of the comfort of my Sunday bed, put down the silly book I'm reading, and cracked open my computer to tell you a story. Here it is:

When I was 16 years old, I got my driving license and my mum scraped together, unbeknownst to me as I thought there was never any shortage of available funds coming from my single mother, enough money to buy me a car, a 1986 Suzuki Samurai. In retrospect, upon examination of said vehicle's safety ratings and performance ratings, this probably wasn't the best choice for ANYONE, let alone a 16-year-old girl with a fresh driving license, but it was beach-proof and I could take the top off (and, subsequently, struggle in the dark when I came home to snap the damn thing back on or I'd end up with an inch of water on my floorboards from the frequent, almost nightly, thunderstorms that are common in Florida). I suppose it was a good thing that the Samurai wasn't anything close to what would be considered high-performance because it probably kept me out of trouble throughout it's tenure in my driving life, especially on the highway, where I was lucky to hit 60mph, going downhill, with the wind pushing me. Unfortunately, because of it's substandard safety ratings, it made it a less-than-ideal vehicle to be in an accident whilst driving. This happened twice, within three months of each other, and they were exactly the same kind of accidents, the first more serious than the second.

I was edged out into traffic in the right-hand turn lane, about to make the leap from side road to main thoroughfare when the opportunity for me to do so got taken up by a car sliding from one lane to another into my spot. I stopped and, unfortunately, the woman driving a much newer, much more solid car, rammed pretty solid into the back of my little Samurai, pushing it perpendicular to oncoming traffic. My foot had slipped off the clutch so there I was, stalled out and scared to pieces, while I looked out the driver's side window and watched cars coming directly at me. I jammed my foot on the clutch, started the car, put it in gear, and pulled the fastest U-turn I could to get onto the shoulder of the road. I got out of the car, shaking and nauseous. The woman who had hit me had already pulled over and witnessed the whole thing with me momentarily paralyzed in the middle of a fairly busy highway during rush-hour traffic. She apologized and we walked to the nearest payphone (for my younger audience, a payphone was a public telephone that demanded a quarter and then allowed you to make a phone call. They often had phone books attached to them, which listed everyone's name and phone number and at least part of their address. Yes, this was a real thing.). She called 911 and relayed what happened and told the police that we were physically fine so there was no need for an ambulance or fire trucks or any of that other nonsense, just the police officer to record the accident and make sure we exchanged insurance information.

He showed up less than an hour later, did what he had to do and left. She got in her car, I got in mine and we drove our separate ways home. I felt shaken but mostly fine at the time when I called my mother to let her know what happened and that I was home. She immediately told me to go take a hot bath and lay down. I did that and still felt okay, even when I was going to bed a little later that night. When I woke up the next morning, it was all I could do to move my legs, the pain was relentless and seemingly everywhere.

And that, my friends, was the beginning of a life sentence of chronic pain, which I mitigate with yoga, nutritional supplements, hydration, massage, and happy thoughts. Some days are much better than others and some days aren't. Today was one of the not so great day, which is why it was all the more important for me to sit down and  do this, write this, share it, and let you know that you're not alone. Don't let it bring you down and, if you do, don't let that bring you down further. It's okay to be down sometimes. It's okay to say "No" to things, to decline an invitation, to set boundaries for yourself. It's okay, and probably necessary, for you to have a day that's just for you, where you can enjoy your surroundings and inspire yourself to do something you enjoy.

Currently..

Hello everyone!
I hope you're having a fabulous Friday! I'm currently listening to my Pandora station (The Heavy: U.K.) and my fave song of theirs came on first, Short Change Hero (here's the Youtube link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkvScx3Po8I). I also recommend The Revivalists. They're rad.

So, I could sit here and tell you all the boring, banal minutiae of my life but i don't wish to waste your time or mine so I'll take this space to catch you up on the goods.

• My (legit) crazy neighbor now considers me as one of his best friends. I believe it's primarily because I'm nice to him and there is a severe paucity of people just being nice to each other. I mean, seriously, we muster so much energy into being assholes, judging and criticizing people, that when someone is actually nice, NICE, to us we don't know how to handle it. When did we lose the capacity to accept a compliment? To acknowledge that it takes as much, if not more, time to dole out a compliment than to complain? If anyone is looking for societal indicators of a f*cked up society, please look into that. While I appreciate his friendship, I also value my solitude and, because he lives on the property, I've not been afforded the solitude that I seek and need for myself. Any suggestions about how to regain this are appreciated and useful, provided they are not mean/angry/negatively-confrontational. 
• My relationship with my mother continues on its usual path. I am financially beholden to her (at this point, i work for her so I'm working for the paycheck). In my current position, I give up just as much unlicensed therapy as I did when I was a practicing bartender (if you have an open bartender position, let me know. It's my jam!) While i seek financial independence, I get looped into a guilt cycle that I continue to be challenged by, despite my knowledge that, given my skill set and abilities, I am valuable as an employee. Needless to say, I don't love it but i do it in service to the greater good.
• My last couple of batches of bitters are f*cking transcendent. The chocolate-cherry-vanilla elevates even the lowest of spirits. I have two batches happening now: fresh cherry and blueberry. Best for vodka drinks. Check in later for recipes. Ask now for a bottle of either of the former. You pay shipping.
• Yoga: I'm primarily doing private yoga at the moment but I'm open and available to workshops and contributing to teacher trainings (I'm anatomy heavy in the best way possible and I'm Yin Yoga Institute Certified and certified through the Vedic Conservatory for Vedic Thai Yoga therapy. I've got references so inquire within!). I love doing private yoga sessions but I would really love to serve up yoga to a wider audience. Striving and thriving..Side note: Retreat, anyone??
• I'm so grateful for my opportunity to read books every evening. Check in shortly for book reviews. I just finished a couple of books and I look forward to sharing my thoughts so, again, you don't waste your time. There is now such thing as free time, as there is no such thing as extra money. Neither of these things exist. No time is free and, unfortunately, there is no extra money. Both time and money are earmarked for something.

I leave you with this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iAYhQsQhSY. It's playing as I type this and it makes me silly happy. To anyone who is reading, thank you. 

Self-Love and Self-Care

It's been a rough ride these past few weeks and, if there is anything that can teach a person, it's that learning how to take care of yourself is vital to survival. So often, when we are taking care of the people around us and dealing with situations as they arise, we forget to take care of ourselves, rendering ourselves essentially useless to those around us. It doesn't take much to deplete your own energy, especially when you're expending huge amounts of it to everyone but yourself. Fortunately, it also doesn't take so much to attend to yourself and fill your own cup so that it can overflow for others. Here are a few things that work for me:

• Roll around in bed and hit the snooze button once or twice. Even when I'm awake and ready to leap out of bed to tackle all the things running through my head, I find that taking a few extra minutes to savor the calm, quiet safety of my bed is enough to prepare me for my day ahead, no matter what I'm anticipating. And, at night, when my mind is reeling from the day or going over the list of things I have to do the next day, I rely on a simple mantra: "I'm grateful for the softness of the bed. I'm grateful for the coolness of the sheets. I'm grateful for the warmth of the blanket. I'm grateful for the coziness of my pillow. I'm grateful that I have a safe place to sleep and rest my mind." I repeat this to myself until my mind quiets itself and I fall to sleep.
• Step away for five minutes here and there and say a prayer of thanks for what I have, no matter what it is. Sometimes I say a prayer of thanks for being employed or for having the opportunity to be a yoga servant or for being able to have a snack or having awesome cats who are always happy when I come home. No one really notices when I'm gone for five minutes. Sometimes I do this in the bathroom where I work so no one will bother me. Sometimes I step outside. Wherever, whenever, it helps.
• Go outside. Again, even if it's only for a few minutes, go outside. I'm fortunate that I live in a place where the sun shines a lot so I can go out and experience that. If you're not in that sort of environment, go anyway. There is always something in nature that will bring you back to center...wind, the movement of clouds, creatures making their way in your environment...seek and you shall find.
• Turn off the television (or stop paying attention to your phone, tablet, etc.). The light from these things sucks the life out of you. Read a real book, one with pages that you can turn and feel with your fingers. Cook something, even if it comes out of a box...stirring water and noodles can be incredibly meditative. Take ten increasingly deep breaths...it activates your para-sympathetic nervous system and can be calming. Dance around to a song you love and turn it up loud, whether it's piped in through speakers or headphones, it doesn't matter. 

When it seems like there is no time for you, remember that, without you, the rest of your life cannot and will not go on smoothly or easily. As long as you remind yourself that it's all good (even when it isn't), it's all easy (even when it doesn't seem like it), and you are the most important person in your life (even though it seems selfish...it isn't!), it is imperative that you take care of yourself, physically, spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally. Without your light, the people around you will fumble in the darkness. Shine on, you crazy diamond!!